In the middle of last night I went upstairs and in the hallway I saw something humongous that looked like either a spider or a cricket. I hate hate hate bugs. Ugh. They give me the heebie jeebies.
First thing I did was run into the bathroom and grab a heavy canister of lysol wipes and a plastic bag. I covered the canister with the bag and tried to put it on top of the monstrous bug. It jumped and I lost it.
I turned on all the lights and started hunting. I picked up a long pole that is sitting in the hallway that I have used to get stinkbugs off the ceiling so I could dispose of them, and started using it as my mover stick. I didn't want to use my hands to sift through the pile of bags and stuff in the corner by the linen closet in case the behemoth tried to attack me, so I used the stick to move things. I was not having any luck in finding the scary monster. So, I went downstairs and armed myself with a flashlight as well as the stick.
I went back upstairs and I turned on my trusty flashlight and started poking the pile some more and moving things around. Nothing. I looked in the linen closet again and poked around with the stick. Nothing. I kept searching. Finally, my eyes alighted on a foreign object on the side of a box well removed from the immediate area that I had been searching. Aha, the mammoth bug!
My heart started beating a mile a minute as the fear took over. But all I had was myself and my trusty pole and a heavy gallon water jug that I had also armed myself with. I took the end of the pole and brushed the colossal monster off the box. It bounded away in a mighty leap. OMG! Lost again. And, found. I saw it sitting there taunting me. Come and get me it said. HAHAHAHHAHA. I took my mighty gallon water jug and tried to trap it underneath. It sneered at me and snuck in a space between the molding. I took my mighty stick and tried to move it out but it was glued inside it's safe place. Oh great, now what do I do. I just can't let this monstrosity roam around my house.
I went downstairs again and picked up my trusty fly swatter and a plastic bag and some tape. I can make a tool almost as good as McGuyver can! I wrapped the bag around the swatting part of the fly swatter and I took a hunk of tape and made a loop so the the sticky part was on the outside and stuck the tape to the fly swatter and carried my masterpiece of engineering up to assist me in my hunt for the great beast. I took the fly swatter and tried to coax the hulking creature out of it's little safe cave. It worked! But oh no, it's bounding and leaping again. My heart is pounding. It lands and I swat. And I swat again. And again. The repugnant critter doesn't move. I'm sure it's just faking. I pick up the water jug and quickly affix another piece of tape to the bottom and quickly place it on top of the loathsome horror.
Yay!!! I win. I have saved myself and H from the savage vermin. All is once again calm except for the rapid beating of my scared silly heart.
Camel Cricket by Neda Dilmaghanian - Photograph. Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons
Citizen Scientists Document the Spread of Giant Cricket, Basement to Basement
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